Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
