she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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