you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
