i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
