Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
