If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
