I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
ok first of all what the fuck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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