hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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