I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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