Your face is a jimmy john
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
