Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
