ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
