before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
