I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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