Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize