The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The beer is more important than you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
