Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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