it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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