thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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