When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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