If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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