he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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