He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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