dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
