On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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