Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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