yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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