Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
