i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
