Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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