worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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