sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
