sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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