Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
