There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
