what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
