i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
