You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
