Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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