omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
