Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
