Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
