the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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