Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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