Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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