think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
