Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
