My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She told me I should be a condom model.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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