Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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