Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
