So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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