it hurts more in the daytime
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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