3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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