9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there is glitter all over my balls
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
