Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
