Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
