So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
