We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
