probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
