put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
