Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
