dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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