Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
