i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
