C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
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Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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