Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I think people are normalizing furries
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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