she was so not down for the gang bang
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
