ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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