ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
