i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
