this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
