it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so let's talk penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
