im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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