I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize