I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
my mouth tastes like poor choices
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's never too late to be topless.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize