I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
