I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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