in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
