When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
